Lazarus review, King's Cross Theatre

Lazarus was raised from the dead by Jesus. I'm not sure if, in Jesus' absence, the David Bowie musical of the same name has any hope of being saved. It's cack, pure and simple. Beautiful songs are sung badly by a robotic cast on a set that looks and works like a giant installation. As a mere Bowie fan, I could find no intellectual excuse or explanation for this farrago. No doubt the devotees will concoct some meaningful mumbo jumbo around it.

There are three male characters in Lazarus: Thomas Newton, the alien played by Bowie in The Man Who Fell to Earth, Ben - a bloke who's getting married, and Valentine, who is there for the express purpose of singing Valentine's Day. In fairness, Valentine's Day is the only number delivered with character, so hats off for that. The story is spare. Newton, stranded forever on earth, is drinking himself senseless. Living in a sterile space with just a bed and a very large fridge in which the characters pose, he creates a young girl in his imagination. They start to build him a rocket home. The girl sings two Bowie classics - Changes, and Life on Mars. She sings them badly in Aled Jones style. It's excruciating.

Lazarus is the creation of two superbrains: Bowie himself, and the normally inventive Irish playwright, Enda Walsh. Perhaps, working on Death Star and managing the side-effects of high-strength drugs, the great man was short on judgement, and Walsh commuted his own judgement to create Lazarus in Bowie's image. Whatever the answer, one is happy to overlook a thin storyline - that's the fate of many jukebox-type musicals. It is harder to ignore Walsh's wooden scripting, Ivo Van Hove's wooden direction, and, unforgivably, some terrible musical arrangements.

In conclusion: If it's Bowie's songbook that you cherish, Lazarus is a huge disappointment. If it's his persona you hanker after, you will get a small glimpse of it. All the men sing mimicking Bowie's voice and intonation, and the love interest has blue hair. If it's a good night out you want, spend the ticket money on cocktails in the St Pancras Hotel, opposite the theatre.

Lazarus at the King's Cross Theatre,  Goods Way, London N1C 4UR   Run ends 22 January 2017